Desires ...

On the desk of desires, I rest or rather I restrict myself between those similar faces. I stay here, I sleep here, I, a virgin piece of paper. And I am about to begin my biography, but believe me, no one ever inked it.

I don't know who all are they, but I am glad they don't recognize me, and even they can't listen the voice of my desires. Since, we all, whatever colour we carry, are made of the same raw material and by the same Creator. He, who made us, He, who made the ink, He who will give the reason for union.

I woke up in midnight, when someone opened the door, the door which was locked since I am here. The only thing I recognize of that time when I was brought here is those few words, “You are here, ink is here, but nothing could happen till someone switch on the light". My friends, the pile of pages between whom I stay (or I rest or I restrict myself or I sleep), call the person behind those words as "He". The cacophonous sound of the door made us conscious. I could smell the unsullied air, but soon I felt it’s the same that tried touching me since years, months and days. Someone (or maybe He), switched on the light, and I felt delighted and at the same time I panicked. He may recognize me. Dust, all over the desk. I thought there's only a single desk in the room, but there were many, all sheltered with dust, all victim of darkness. I tried finding the other end of the room, but I failed. The lamps on other desks were yet off. Someone else may be assigned to their desk, someone, who may be "He" but with another name.

Soon, without uttering a single word, He picked the foremost page from the pile to which I belong. It was white, the obvious choice of purity. But I don't know why "He" is spending so much time on cleaning to dust over this page. Might be because he is He, or might be someone who follows Him. With time, I could feel the swell in intensity of glow over me. Someone is surely picking up pages. Now, they no more remain virgin. But I was curious to know, what after that? What after I lose my virginity? I was waiting for years to be filled, but when I am about to be filled, I am thinking about: what next. 'He' might know the reason that why we always desire for better tomorrow rather than a present yet he never respond us. Better to say He never give us a direct answer. What’s in my destiny, what will make me absolute tonight?

A quote of joy and happiness,
or a rhyme on fire and ice,
Few words on curiosity,
or an account of love and desire?


Every passing hour intensified the light, intensified my excitement, but what if the ink get over while it’s my turn. Do they have another one? The one that I want: crimson red. If, but, how, why always conquered my juvenile psyche. Someone touched me; I can't see anything else now, just the intense glow over me. From where does this lamp borrow so many glows? And without expectations, it is sharing its warmth with me. I forget about getting filled when the elegance of the warmth felt. I realized what will happen when I ll be filled. When I am empty I could feel the utmost light.
The realization changed the aura, I felt like moving away from the light, yet close to it. Yes, I was right. The moment ink could touch me; I was far away from it. Blown with the wind, now I was in the air. Flying without any restriction, above the world so pleasing, like a bird I flied, cuddling with the air, kissing the light, I felt what I desired.
I knew it won’t last forever, but now I desired to be in the air forever. It’s not what I desire but what’s in my destiny. Soon I will land up, and don’t know who will fill me? Now will I ever be completed, but I don’t care about that, since I enjoyed my present. I yet retain my virginity, and yet I experienced love.
The rains witnessed my pleasure, or my pleasure witnessed the rains. The sprinkling droplets over me made me realize I am going to hit the earth soon. Earth? I never heard this word earlier, but it came out of me? I am wet, ready to dissolve, a crimson red drop of blood over one of my corner. Blood? I never heard this word earlier, but it came out of me? Prepared to sleep again, I was forced to lay down, no more cuddling, no more kissing. I, completely soaked with a stain. Incomplete, yet feeling complete …


And since you will never know why it happened to me, I am about to tell you the dark secret of my life. Dark: not because I regretted it, dark because you were not ready to switch on the light. Dark: because their always remained layers of dust around us. Dark, because so is the nature of ink. Dark: because everyone desire for the ink. But that does not trouble me anymore, and I can freely share that I had been a virgin Pink page once. Pink, not just the colour for the queer but the best. And to be the best, enlightenment is what you should desire. I am pink, I am enlightened, yet the dilemma is: Am I still virgin?

( Now a part of Gaylaxy )