What matters in the End?

There was a king who made love with his mistress, behind his wife. And one day, the betrayal landed up in front of Queen. He did all to save his marriage. But for what: Love, family or Society?

As most people perceive gay relationships does not hold much role of society (unless you are out to your circle) and family (unless you adopted a child, both being a rare thing in typical Indian society). So, love is all it takes to hold their relationship. But, why would someone have a physical relationship with some other guy, unless he is not happily  committed with his partner?

"We both are not much connected with other anymore.",

 "I thought he is too seeing someone else.", 

" Even after months of commitment, he never satisfied me.", 

And, the list goes on when one had to blame his partner for the betrayal he devised. But, this story doesn't hold a bad partner. What if they were happily committed for say an year, and then someday, he did it. He had sex with someone else. 

Should he be courageous to tell his partner that he did so, or should he hide it from him? Will his partner forgive him or is it the "The End" of their love story?

It isn't an easy thing, i.e. being faithful in a gay relationship. There is continuous churning of emotions in and around that too when most can't drop those emotions to the people living around them. The kind of relationship I am talking about are all serious relationships. Relationships that hold soul mates theorem, relationships that are beyond parties and post parties, those selfless relationship that everyone desires at a time in life, but unfortunately couldn't meet up the requirements. 

What actually does a relationship require? Why and How it turns with time? And finally what matters in the end? That’s all I will talk about. I may sound subjective over emotions but the subject actually needs that delicate treatment under strong shoulders.

Is love is all it needs? Definitely not. Because love is never a need but an outcome from our needs. You need to be cared, and that might someday turn into love. You desire cuddling, kissing, holding, and that someday makes into love, you need someone to understand you, hold you when you need, and be faithful to you, that makes you to love him or her.

But, do you realize how risky are your needs? Have you ever seen any advertisement of mutual funds, they generally start with a placard saying, "Mutual funds investments are subject to market change, please read the documents carefully before investing." Relationships too hold the same funda. It's not a personal bond, but a mutual one that too subjected to market change. And reading the person is as important as reading those documents. And we read our counterpart to have their care, faith, trust and finally love. Risks are always involved, risk of being hurt, being betrayed, or hurting the other person. The market (circumstances, emotions) is always changing, and it's always up to you how long you will hold the invest in the funds (or relationship), irrespective of the crunches visible in the market.

Relationships these days do start on bed (couch-toilets-cars-etc), but that should and can never be the first document to be read, and if done, the relationship will surly won't last long. Remember, market change is never in our hand. 

As relationship ages, love grows, but it also witness the differences you both hold, which may range from food to positions, ideologies to expressions. There always comes a time when you think you can't take it anymore, and as in gay relationship you aren't bonded legally to be together, the thoughts of break up may conquer your mind. You may plan a betrayal, you may sleep with someone else, but remember what matters in the end? A click of second, and parts of wounded emotions create a trauma leaving behind the pages you both wrote together for your present and future. A wrong stitch may ruin everything you knitted in years. But, giving a chance in love is always feasible.

And you know what matters in the end? It's that he makes you happy out of anything and everything. Remember, this moment is momentary, life's way far beyond this.

The King indeed loved her wife (I know you may not agree), he obviously loved his family, and for the Kings, the society mattered a lot. And, of all he choose happiness. And, he did all to regain it. 

[Written for Gaylaxy Magazine]

Dusk to Dawn (After Sex)

Love consumes all, you agree or not, it does. Be it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, it coins our life to changes we certainly resist of their own reasons. But when I say " it consumes" it takes to no boundary that makes love a villain of our life. Indeed it’s a hero, a savior, but how long a savior will exist without a suitable weapon?

Of all weapons, from trust, mutual understandings, care and respect, one comes with the name called physical compatibility, a mere check of satisfaction measured from two different scales, and even if their values overlap, they doesn't correspond to the same value (Remember the Vernier Caliper  you used in your ninth standard physics lab.)

That particular night, we made love for more than two hours, and we were lying naked on our single bed, holding our hands, looking at the revolving fan over head. Within a few minute, he was slept while I wished to talk. Talk of nothing but our mystic future, of inspiration that binds us together, of reasons to fight for our relationship during the hours that binds dusk to dawn after making love. 

While most of us prefer to sleep after sex, but still few exists who want to talk about serious stuff, talk of sex and just sex, few prefer take a shower, or go out for some time, lit a cigarette, or cuddle like babies. The moment a couple have orgasm, it may induce a certain level of weakness in the body depending on one's own stamina, so sleep after sex shouldn't be blamed anyhow even if it does happen. (And, if both of the partners are working, I know how hard it is keep your eyes open for late nights after the hectic hours at work.)

Sometimes, in few cases, the orgasm is also followed by an inevitable guilt feeling. And the cigarette, shower or being sometime alone helps it out. And, if its natural what makes the other partner to take it otherwise?

Next comes to cuddle after you made love. To cuddle seems sweet and add beauty to it, but if it happens after sex it may turn you irritating as you dying for a sound sleep and the guilt willing for some distance. So even if in this case, the scales doesn't match ignore your emotions that expects a lot. And, maturity is all it takes to make it happen.

But what about the urge to talk? And that too when it might be of libidinous nature and at times of serious emotions. And, this lands up to the situation when one partner prefers to sleep while other continuously gazes the roof or the fan. Remember, it was your words at the first encounter that brought you both together, the way your frequency matched, things clicked and emotions attached with beautiful memories. Your words defines you, not how hot you are, how good you act on bed, the size of your penis or what perfumes you use.

These gradients in expectations and needs may add bitterness in the relationship. If not always, sleep can  be sacrificed before it, when you know it will take just a few minutes, especially when your partner need to talk something really intimate that he can't share with anyone.

And, To talk of sex after sex? I will prefer to sleep, but people vary so does the expectations, and you agreed to do that, that’s what commitment says. 

With a wish for a great love and sex life, I wish for all those happy or not-so-happy couples for the most appropriate weapon for the savior that binds you both.

[Written for Gaylaxy Magazine]

The Mystery

"I have been straight all my life until you came to me as my lover", he said. What would you call it? A lie, a tacky trick, or ignorance, but to me it’s a mystery. Sexuality had been a mystery to me, and still it is. We got no scale to measure few things, and sexuality lands up in the same list.

Few years back, when I made my (fake) profile on orkut, and I mentioned my sexuality as bisexual, when a friend of mine told me to change it to gay. I didn't reasoned him, rather changed it, and gradually found the reason. May it be forced to my lesser maturity, people were actually not much preferring befriending bisexuals, inevitably making it morally down. Being gay was fine, being straight obviously fine, but bisexuality was in close proximity to something wrong.

 To this, as many people would, I too disagreed.

Few days back, I was at work when one of my friend, who had been in a heterosexual relationship for past three years and had breakup few months back, called me and told he has a boyfriend now. To me, to be true, first it seemed to be joke, something indigestible. And, then I realized things aren't vulgar anyway, but the sharp boundaries are.

 I have found straight guys falling in for gays, gays falling in for girls, no trick involved, no lust dominated, no love deceived, and that too when they had a great heterosexual/ homosexual relationship (respectively) in their past. Some may say it's out of boredom, or it's out of frustration, but the mystery remains.

 Sex is one thing, an important component of life but certainly smaller than love and attachment. Once one is involved with a person emotionally to the extreme, "getting physical" with him doesn't make you gay or bisexual, when he knows it won't happen with anyone else ever in his life. The complications to relationship persist, (in which relation it doesn't?), but in that case you need to broader your concept of sexuality and individuality, rather than convincing him to turn gay/bisexual or accept him as gay/bisexual.

 Love is always above definitions. The mystery will remain within your maturity levels, the vulgarity will remain within the beauty of life, and the choice will too always remain all yours. And, all I will say is "As long as it makes you happy go ahead."

 [Written for Gaylaxy Magazine]