Maintaining few millimeter distance between the paper and pen for few minutes, I let them meet to write something like "Personal experience" for Sukhdeep's magazine (Gaylaxy). The last few occupied minutes didn't questioned me to how to begin, but my mind struck over " where to begin from?" Th minute hand had completed 2 complete rounds after midnight, I, the nocturnal creature, alone in my room trying to compensate my disturbed mind with the serenity outside. Disturbed ? Sometimes, the uncertain voids never let me established the reason behind them.
Personal Experiences, should it my the coming out melodramas or the pretence play that hate playing, my romantic dating or lusty desires thereafter, few break ups, certain confusions, spoiling my college grades or whatever a 20 year old gay experience usually. but what I am thinking right now is why to write a personal experience, and why me? Why to disclose a random page of my life so publicly ?
In this invisible domain, the white as well as the black shades never form a sharp boundary with the rainbow. Internet really turned out to be very helpful in increasing the visibility of the gay world, but when the things are coming out of obscurity, the other side really disturbs me somehow. Personally, being a highly spiritual person, I feel I am really not going on the right track, tracks with hours of chatting, meeting guys and all. Once you getting into it the desires never halts. The contours you try to fit are not exactly made for the given scene. From, personal experience, I feel the young generation should know where to draw to line.
I ponder, Sukdeep's disappointment after going through these loose ends. When i was told to write about any of my life experience, I came up with the gist of my entire gay life. But, if I would having so much control over my mind, I guess I would not be having any of such gay networking Ids.
The voids or the obscure contours, my curious yet disturbed mind and his opinion finally feels its more suited as a blog entry, than in the magazine.
On US Embassy and Pakistani Homosexuals
12 years ago
"Why to disclose a random page of my life so publicly ?" true !! yeah, same here i often think that it is difficult for me to write my personal experience ... sometimes i feel there are no words that can sum up all the feelings that one goes through .. anyways, i liked this post :)
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